› Funny Quotes
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Quentin Crisp
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Bette Davis
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Ellen DeGeneres
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Marlene Dietrich
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Walt Disney
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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