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›Deja Vu
You've probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related expressions. Feel like I've...
...milked this cow before: deja moo
...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu
...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew
...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo
...scared this person away before: deja boo
...read this mystery book before: deja clue
...been in this courtroom before: deja sue
...felt this bad before: deja rue
...felt this sad before: deja blue
...expanded this way before: deja grew
...learned this stuff before: deja knew
...waited in line before: deja queue
...eaten this dinner before: deja stew
...pursued this person before: deja woo
...forgotten this your name before: deja who
...had this feeling of deja vu before: deja too
...seen these twins before: deja two
...used this beer recipe before: deja brew
...been on this airplane before: deja flew
...came up with this innovation before: deja new
...sketched this portrait before: deja drew
...ended this relationship before: deja through
...felt this ill before: deja flu
...munched on this gum ball before: deja chew
...played in this wet grass before: deja dew
...admired this scenery before: deja ooo
...exposed the real facts before: deja true
›Scared Driver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.....
›9/11 Terrorists Attacks
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great building... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's Eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
›Pet Lobsters
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
›God`s Compensation
Two goobers were talking.
One was explaining to the other how the Lord often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies.
"You see," he said, "If someone is a bit blind he might have a very good sense of hearing, or if his sense of taste has gone, he may have a keen sense of smell."
"I agree with you," said the other. "I've always noticed that if someone has one short leg, the other one is always just that little bit longer."
›I`m The Boss
CEO was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.
Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
Your wife called, she wants her sign back!
›Wrong Number!
On his first day on the job, the trainee dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a F***ING cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are F***ING talking to, you F***ING idiot?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly.
"Thank F**K for that!" replied the trainee and slammed down the phone.
›Choking Son
A father walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a Rupee coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman is sitting at a tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of tea.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her Tea cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, she hands the coin to the father and walks back to the Tea stall without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'
'No,' the woman replied, 'I work for the Income Tax Dept.
›Pending Bills
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid.
The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
›Government Employee
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.
"I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared.
Next, the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women."
Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.
"Oh, man this is the life," the guy thought. "I wish I never had to work again."
And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!
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