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›Whistle !
A Rajastani, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He`d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the rail tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn`t know what it is. Predictably, he`s hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks.
It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he`s at his friend`s house attending a party one evening.
While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a iron rod from the nearby shelf and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what`s happened and asks the desert man, "Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they`re small."
›What a balance?
God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining his subordinates ...............
"Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer`s there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the united states. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....."
The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance."
God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!
›Are you serious?
An Irish man walks into a bar and there`s a 7 foot tall Bar Tender there. The Bar Tender punches the Irish Man on the face. The Irish man falls on the floor.
He finally get up and says to the Bar Tender, "Listen Mate, was that a joke or were you serious?"
The bar tender replies, "I was serious"
"You better have been serious, cos I don`t like jokes like that".
›Time span...
An american born Desi returned to India and hired a tourist cab for sight seeing. When taken to the Taj Mahal in Agra, he asked how many years it took to build it.
The guide replied 20 years. The American desi remarked You guys are lazy, in America we can build some thing like this in 5 years.
At Red Fort in Dehli he asked the same question. The guide reduced the period to impress him and said Ten years.
Only ten years The American Desi retorted: Did not I say you guys are slow workers! In America we could have built it in 2 1/2 years.
Same story everywhere. He admired the places but reduced the period to 1/4th.
The guide got irritated by this young American Desi. Next day when they were near Qutab Minar the American Desi asked what is that tower? The guide replied I will have to go and find out. When I was passing by this side last evening there was nothing here.
›Wasting Indians
When God created the world, he could not help boasting to Brahma of the special favours he had bestowed on India. "I gave it the highest mountains and the broadest rivers in the world; I gave it coal, gold and diamond mines. I gave it the best of everything."
"Was it fair to give one country so much wealth ?" asked Brahma.
"You should see the kind of people I put in India. They will waste everything I gave them."
›Indo-Pak war!
One taxi driver in Lahore to another, "Did you hear that the Pakistan government bought a thousand septic tanks?"
The other driver replied, "Yes, and as soon as they learn to drive them, they`re going to invade India."
›Made in India
At a World Conference, the heads of States of all countries were boasting about their technical know-how. So they all decided that to prove their boasts, each country should show an engineering feat to the world.
In a few days, the U.S.A made a hollow tube of fiberglass, a millimeter in diameter. It was then sent to the Russia. They put a conducting wire in the tube. The Japanese, to prove their superiority, bored a hole through the wore.
Finally, it was sent to India. It came back without any apparent change.
"Well, what have you done?" asked everybody.
"Look here," said the Indian, putting the wire under a microscope. Clearly visible were the words "Made in India."
›The saviour?
On a rain-soaked night, an infant tumble over the railings of the Howrah bridge and fell into the Hooghly river below. The weather did not prevent hundreds of Calcuttans from flocking over the rails and watching the proceedings, but no one attempted to save the drowning child. At last an old American tourist jumped in to the water and did the saving. Later, when he was being interviewed by the radio and T.V,; complimented on his bravery and asked to say something; he roared at them saying, "Bring forward the rascal who pushed me from behind."
›Can you relate ?
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down to the wall, and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come everyday to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man replies, calmly: "Like I m talking to a wall."
›Ode to the Jewish Mother
Jewish Mothers don t differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons. One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, "My Irvin has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing."
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